Liquid Silver Books author Kimber Vale is this Thursday’s Redux guest. Kimber writes erotic romance of all stripes, from hot hetero to mouthwatering manlove. Find her MF work published under Kimber Vale. Come for the sex. Stay for the story.
Hi, everyone! I’m Kimber Vale and I am so happy to be here today to share an old post from my blog (http://www.kimbervale.me). This is slightly revised (because I double-dog dare you to go back and reread something you wrote two years ago and not change a thing. Impossible!), and the original was posted on June, 15th 2012.
Who Here has Screwed the Pooch?
I’m wondering about weird phrases today.
It’s raining cats and dogs. Or maybe it’s colder than a witch’s titty. Oh, how the worm has turned, probably because it was a piece of cake.
What got me thinking of these odd sayings, you ask? Well, for some reason, “screwed the pooch” recently came up in conversation and I got stuck analyzing it:
How is the term “screwed the pooch” at all socially acceptable? Who started it and why didn’t the first person to use it get slammed by everyone within hearing distance? It just doesn’t make sense. Why? For the love of Pete, WHY?!
As an author, I know that basically all publishers forbid animal love. While the erotica industry is largely accepting of most forms of snoo-snoo, bestiality is pretty much a standard no-go everywhere you look. People getting kinky with pets? Hard stop. With good reason, I might add.
I do love to pet my pussy, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve never “screwed the pooch.” I won’t even allow a dog to lick me, to be honest. Grosses me out. I know damn well where that tongue’s been and I don’t want any part of it.
And they say the human mouth is the dirtiest. My personal jury is still out on that. I’ll let you know the final verdict once the zombocalypse hits.
So, what other asinine phrases can you think of? I revel in imagining “great balls of fire,” and “for the love of Pete,” especially since I know a very conservative Pete. How about “holy shit?” I can’t help but picture a priest in an outhouse for some reason. These are all well-known, oft-used expressions. But why?
What if we change it up the next time we’re in pleasant company? Will the revised versions have the same effect? Are my new phrases better or worse?
My best buddy just messed up royally, but I say, “Oh, man! You just made sweet love to a dog!”
“Huge flaming testicles! That kid is driving me insane!”
“Oh, for the sake of being largely enamored with my husband’s unattractive coworker.”
“Well, priest in an outhouse, this is a garbage poker hand.”
Actually, I could get on board with the flaming testicles. But really, where the hell do we come up with this excrement? The English language is walnuts. Someone pass me the flippin’ raisins ’cause I’m gonna start mixing it up in everyday speech just to see if I can start some new idiotic idioms.
Hard Act to Follow
An MM Contemporary Romance from Liquid Silver Books (August, 2014)
Note: Hard Act to Follow is book three of Kimber’s “Shooting Stars” series but is a standalone book. If you like friends-to-lovers, fabulously flamboyant twinks, or big, burly overprotective buddies, this could be the book for you.
Kyrie is an actor with a physical aversion to telling lies, a one-eyed cat, and horrible taste in men. His ex-brother-in-law and best friend, Greg, harbors a secret crush he can’t shake. After denying his feelings for Kyrie for too long, Greg finally gives in to desire one drunken night. Come the morning, the facts get twisted. Kyrie pretends he doesn’t remember a thing—a lie that eats him alive—and Greg can’t stop thinking about how he screwed up the best thing in his life.
Before they can clear the air, Kyrie follows his dreams to New York City, but could he also be running away?
A mistake from Kyrie’s past detonates their silence, and Greg is forced to confront the man he loves. Is their new truth strong enough to support a relationship, or are they doomed to crumble under old fears? Their friendship could evolve into something a million times stronger, but maybe Kyrie’s act is just too hard for Greg to follow.